Saturday, June 18, 2016

old folks

Salam Ramadan, a wish from myself to myself.

I'm supposed to hit the bed right now but a written form of thought of the night won't hurt.

I have a confession
Frankly speaking, as much other people blushed when they are proffered with compliments and good impression, that is what I will turn to when I received positive feedbacks and replies from people considered in the old people segmentation. Golongan orang tua, nenek nenek, atuk are on my top list. 

With all due respect, when I'm complimented and given positive allowances by other than said group, although I appreciate their good concern, the compliments given didn't really credit a merit in my life. That's why when I am in my off-the-tune mood, or in my seasonal self-degrading wave, or during my devastation period; I can't be elevated by people's words to soothe me. Or even, if I was having a commendable phase in life and surrounding people offers their impressive gratification toward me, it doesn't really leave such impression on me. It doesn't place itself in a special confinement barricaded by heartfelt appreciation. 

So thank you to that random grandma whose spontaneous words of whisper managed to enlighten my gloomy day when she said when I salam her "didoakan yang baik untuk nadiya, agama yang baik, hidup yang baik, jodoh yang baik, cita-cita yang baik dan segalanya yang baik". Seeing it in a hindsight, it is a doa and random word any random person can give me, but considering my inclination of being leaned in to this kind of people, I can't hide my guttered eyes. I feel relaxed by the breeze of hope wafting in into my heart, coming from nowhere to be known. 

Yesterday, I attended an iftar jamaie in my neighbourhood. Nearing azan Isyak, one guy stood up announcing that the guys will be going to the nearest masjid and ladies will be staying there to pray together. Okay. Then this one makcik came to me saying "Nadiyah jadi imam ye untuk isyak dan terawih". Okay. The point of the story was when this one nenek (a mother of a makcik I knew) approached me after I finished both Isyak and terawih, flashing a beautiful crooked smile, with a pleasing facial impression saying to me; "terima kasih ye jadi imam" to which I replied a simple your're welcome and a smile I never seem to be giving anyone before. It was when I further myself to the exit door that I caught her eyes darting on every motion I moved. I returned her stare with a smiling eye conveying my "balik dulu" meaning. At the exit door, I was shocked when she tapped on my shoulder and on top of hugging me so sudden, she kissed my forehead whispering, "terima kasih ye nadiyah, sedap suara jadi imam tadi". Wonder why she kept on staring at me and the beautiful smile never cease from her face. Oh God. Nenek, I'm thawed, and melted. 

During one of the session in a masjid few months ago, I led the recitation of Surah Al-Mulk when I sensed an eye staring at me, then she smiled saying "macam lagu". So cute, so innocent. Although it is a woman whose age is probably more than half of century, or slightly lesser exceeding mine. 

When it is my own grandmother gave her endearing compliment on anything; about my physical looks, my achievements, my talents, or even a simple compliment when I get to shape the begedil right as she told me so, it accounts an unfathomable good feeling inside of me. 

What's my point of putting all of these here? Certainly not to exaggerate myself, neither to preen myself all along. 

Everyone has their own way to find self-contentment. When one can free himself out from the ailing insecurities and inferiorities, when one can bootcamp himself out from his whines and rhymes of hopelessness. For me, other than my style of unwinding by connection with nature, I also love to indulge myself in a random conversation with old folks. It regains my dull spirit and lethargy. Even a simple "hidup ni memang kena sabar" which I've heard countless times in my life can actually boost my confidence back and a simple "anak ni boleh, makcik tahu" can bring me back alive. However again, maybe many other people have said to me.   

Actually above all, I can't chart any reason for that.
It just feels soothing and right.

Till then :)

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