Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Of 3rd year and self adjustment

*put this picture to reminisce yesterday's 'meeting', one of the reason to stay alive. awh nadiyah so sweet lol*


Alhamdulillah, my 3rd year study was finally a wrap. It didn't end very well (emotionally, not academically), but still there's a lot to be thankful of nonetheless. 

Okay, so what kind of self adjustment i'm intending to rant about? To be frank every moment is my struggle to adapt. But throughout my 3rd year is my worst, of all (ceh cakap macam dah lama sangat hidup kan nadiyah..) 

1) i'm tangled in a confusing maze of soon being a final year student. the bewilderment of what happens next, and next, and next? i can't seem to adjust myself well in this kind of situation. 

2) the dilemmas to shape my future endeavours. 

3) starting to hate myself more. won't elaborate on this. bye

4) of course, to make the utmost self adjustment with my subjects. either me being an exam-oriented student, or to perceive the idea of being ilmuwan wanita. gitu. hehe 

5) i had to conform myself with many divergences of people and to be flexible as much as i could. i had to admit everyone's different lifestyle, and refraining myself to comment over every single issue. 

6) okay. my point actually is, to actually really accept that everyone is shipped in the very different boats. we're sailing on the same ocean, but not in the same ship. and even if we are in the same boat, our cabins and style are completely dissimilar. i can't force people to really decipher my words and messages. because people are nurtured differently. 

7) my continuous and unceasing mind shambles of apprehending the idea of, hmm human relationship? 

8) being ignored and don't even have the courage to ask (this is quite unrelated haha)

9) to stop dwelling on the past because future is more anticipating, perhaps? luls 

10) and my last point, to really adjust and align myself with the perfect alliance and conjunction of what it really means by striving toward mardhatillah. is He really okay with who i am now? what is there left to be done and struggle for to achieve His pleasing? if i die today, can i really savour the Heaven's vaults and bounties? what do i really want in my whole daily life? 

being 21, and there's still so much to be done. blergh as if i did accomplish anything lahh. 
The 3rd year witnessed my serious life contemplation (not complaining), but i don't even know what did i really conceive. 

confused, and still confusing. 
may Allah lead our way, ameen.

Hello, final year. my days here are numbered. 
Allah yusahhil insyaallah. 


Saturday, September 20, 2014

Never an option

Sometimes you will be troubled by the feeling of to be stronger is not even an option. You have to be strong because your spherical of friends and acquaintances need you. They need your support, they yearn for your soothing words to calm their mess and turbulance.  Your shoulder is essential for them to keep heading forward. Your eyes that can read theirs, they need it. 

They just need, they just need it, they just need their friend. You are one of their reliable friends. 

Preparing myself to revive this lesu nadiyah right now. Gaining much more strength to be the one as mentioned above. 

Because to see their smile, 
Is always a pleasure that i long to keep, 

20 Sept 2014
Along my journey to the airport. 

Hello, final year. 

Oh. I havent published yet my 3rd year wrap. Will store it here, sooner insyaallah

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Fakta 20

Things that spreading vastly all over our social networks. Been tagged by few people, and just thinking that posting it on instagram is just too public so i chose to put it here instead :D

So here,#20factsaboutme

1. I was nurtured in all girls siblings, no guys (except my abah ofcourse) in family until i reached my 19 yrs old with an abang ipar sulung. Born in Johor, grown up for 5 years in Edinburgh UK and now reside in JB. Will be a kelantanese soon bila my dad already pencen. Lama lagi kot lol

2. 3 older sisters and 3 younger sisters thus resolving me to be a semi kakak by 6 years gap and semi adik by 3 years gap

3. Hence, i am quite reckless towards man/guys/lelaki. I just dont know how to handle them, so i have my own way for it (which i think proven to be a fatal since many had been hurt because of my recklessness lol) 

4. 21 and currently still believing that having a guy as a close friend is unnecessary, so as having him as a special friend is your first door to a disastrous life. 

5. Loving debate but already stopped doing it, i rather love to be a trainer 

6. I lost that transition point of my dad commuting Malaysia-Overseas. And currently abah is in Papua New Guinea. Frequent penumpang lebuhraya langit. Malaysia-USA tu macam JB-Kelantan 

7. My utmost dislike is cooking, and other housechores

8. Haha but no worries, disliking doesnt mean you tak reti buat, or tak buat. Just, tak suka

9. My recent ambition is to be a lecturer. Hehe

10. You can soothe me by handing me an icecream. You can silent me (when im boiled into unreasonable anger) by buying me that. Serious talk

11. But ofcourse i have my specified brands of icecream huahua. Haagen Daaz is heavenly heaven with its caramel and pecan. Coldstone icecream which i had at Namsan Seoul Tower is marvelling with its chocolate mint and vanilla. Baskin Robbin however is defeated by it. Anyway icecream jual tepi jalan kat syarie' jamiah still sedap lah serious. And icecream beli dalam tube kat mall pun sedap je aku takdelah being that demanding haha okay dah. 

12. And, what calms me down when i'm distressed out of anything is icecream #icecreamunderstands (kahkah cakap pasal icecream pun dah 3 points nampak sgt takde idea) 

13. I'm quite oblivous towards hints and mixed signals. So to be straight forward without steering elsewhere is better. 

14. You cant photograph me without me noticing 

15. Failure after a drenched out struggling is worth, though it is hard when it comes to acceptance and redha

16. Known as a bookworm girl. Well, i doubt that actually. 

17. However, just to list my recent favourites. Khaled Hosseini, Mitch Albom are authors whom no one can ever deny. Apart from that, i'm engaging well in psychological type of books, life and love philosophies, conflicts and world crisis

18. Unfortunately i cant blend in into political matters and issues. 

19. During past few months, i realize my weakness is to comprehend music notes. Hehe at least i found something which can buzz me (and others) that everyone has their own limits. So why bother envying over others' capabilities and discontent for what we have? 

20. Finally, i am quite unbearable. Annoying to some extent. My friends describe me as 'bila annoying takde siapa boleh kalahkan dan bila serious takde sapa boleh lawan' 

Done! And for sure there're some facts i prefer to keep it bottled and concealed. These 20 are mere (and trivial kot aku rasa) facts revolving me and my life. 

Till then (: