23

I didnt post any entry in regards to 16th August, just like what I usually did for the previous years. So here it is to compensate the feeling :) 

Being 23 is just another change in number when you want to introduce your age. I'm not quite sure it is a progression or regression if I say that as I get older, the more confused I am as a person. Of course as we ventured into another phase of age and maturity, we are bound to meet with a whole lot different life conventions. Due to that perhaps it requires a more rationale and less-cluttered self. 

And I've become reserved, clueless as how to say what my mind speaks, puzzled as how to solve my heart's whisper. Ah. I guess as you aged, your emotion is compelled to be more complicated to decipher. 

Anyhow, i do have some resolutions hehe. It might sound a lil bit trivial, but I'm joyed to list them down :D

1) stay focus when you're driving. You can let your mind drifted elsewhere at your discretion, but you sure do want to spare some regrets.

2) dont sing out loud. Your voice is a disaster. You dont want to bring misery to people around you. And yourself of course on top of all people. 

3) yes you know you've become better when it comes to parallel parking. But dont parade it much very proudly because you know, as soon as you bask in pride that is the moment of your downfall. You've experienced this. And the cost of repair is exhausting not a petty amount of your money that is not that much to begin with

4) read more and moreee. Even when you are in the mood of self contemplation. Read. Try imagining how the book feels when you leave him untouched and unappreciated. Gitu kan dah ada jantina buku aku

5) if you want to feel intimidated in front of your colleague, mull it over during your personal time. Dont translate it to your face. Chin up. Be confident although God knows how you can stutter a lot and shiver as if your heart is a winter season. You can be better than you ever think

6) dont distance yourself from kitchen and cooking utensils. Even it has to be just washing dishes routine

7) be a fashion police to yourself. As a kickstart, forget about wearing unmatched colour of baju and tudung. If you ever did, penalize yourself. You dont know when you'll come across your life destiny. Ewah motivation dia hahaha

So. 

Happy birthday Nadiyah.

I still dont forget you. 

And I wont ever :) 

Till then xx 

purple rose

Last night, I grabbed a novel that I've read for more than 10 times already. But every different time I read it, different feeling whispers. So as my lullaby, I dared myself to listen to my old playlist comprising of those nostalgic melodies and familiar lyrics, fraught with many subtle meaning associated to my past life memories. Because letting myself to involve in those rhythm equates placing myself back to my old days.

Sweet pain. 

Full of remorse. 

Love and hate. 

Floating on the road divergences. 

Confused. 

Too young. 

And puzzled. 

Again by Lenny Kravitz 

At every time I've always known

That you were there, upon your throne

A lonely queen without her king

All of my life

Where'd you been

I wonder if I'd ever see you again?

Home is where the heart is by Mcfly 

Home is where the heart is

It's where we started 

Where we belong  

Hard times come easy by Richie Sambora 

And the heart finds a reason

And the love always seems find a way

Even it hurts

Save me by Embrace 

You're looking down that telescope from the only end you know

When life is big and we're still close 

Everybody gets a second go

Everybody gets another go

Gives you hell by All American Rejects 

When you see my face 

Hope it gives you hell

Hope it gives you hell 

When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

Now you'll never see what you've done to me

You can take back your memories they're no good to me

Your guardian angel by Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Now that I'm strong I have figured out 
How the world turns cold and it breaks through my soul 
And I know I can be the one
I will never let you fall 

Silhouette by Owl City 

I sick of the past I can't erase

A jumble of footprints and hasty steps I can't retrace 

A mountain of things I still regret

Is a vile reminder that I would better just forget

Ikhlas tapi jauh by VE
All time favourite :D

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I really had a fair share of your good lover, insidious partner and helplessly romantic song on the queue. At least I can tell my kids one day that I had a vile yet sweet memory of thinking herself that she had fallen in love. Too young too dumb to realise. Got it. Thank you Bruno Mars. Also the lyrics of: Tell the devil I say hey when you get back to where you're from. Hahaha.

Just when I thought the playlist was ending, then popped the song that would be the last song I'd ever choose to listen again. 

When you say nothing at all by Ronan Keating. 

Shoot. 

One shot of bullet goes straight to the heart. 

Bleed.