Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Of 3rd year and self adjustment

*put this picture to reminisce yesterday's 'meeting', one of the reason to stay alive. awh nadiyah so sweet lol*


Alhamdulillah, my 3rd year study was finally a wrap. It didn't end very well (emotionally, not academically), but still there's a lot to be thankful of nonetheless. 

Okay, so what kind of self adjustment i'm intending to rant about? To be frank every moment is my struggle to adapt. But throughout my 3rd year is my worst, of all (ceh cakap macam dah lama sangat hidup kan nadiyah..) 

1) i'm tangled in a confusing maze of soon being a final year student. the bewilderment of what happens next, and next, and next? i can't seem to adjust myself well in this kind of situation. 

2) the dilemmas to shape my future endeavours. 

3) starting to hate myself more. won't elaborate on this. bye

4) of course, to make the utmost self adjustment with my subjects. either me being an exam-oriented student, or to perceive the idea of being ilmuwan wanita. gitu. hehe 

5) i had to conform myself with many divergences of people and to be flexible as much as i could. i had to admit everyone's different lifestyle, and refraining myself to comment over every single issue. 

6) okay. my point actually is, to actually really accept that everyone is shipped in the very different boats. we're sailing on the same ocean, but not in the same ship. and even if we are in the same boat, our cabins and style are completely dissimilar. i can't force people to really decipher my words and messages. because people are nurtured differently. 

7) my continuous and unceasing mind shambles of apprehending the idea of, hmm human relationship? 

8) being ignored and don't even have the courage to ask (this is quite unrelated haha)

9) to stop dwelling on the past because future is more anticipating, perhaps? luls 

10) and my last point, to really adjust and align myself with the perfect alliance and conjunction of what it really means by striving toward mardhatillah. is He really okay with who i am now? what is there left to be done and struggle for to achieve His pleasing? if i die today, can i really savour the Heaven's vaults and bounties? what do i really want in my whole daily life? 

being 21, and there's still so much to be done. blergh as if i did accomplish anything lahh. 
The 3rd year witnessed my serious life contemplation (not complaining), but i don't even know what did i really conceive. 

confused, and still confusing. 
may Allah lead our way, ameen.

Hello, final year. my days here are numbered. 
Allah yusahhil insyaallah. 


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