The other day, me and my two rommates had a kind of conversation relating studies and life. The topic aroused when Ain revealed a question asked by my batch mates to her, regarding how is nadiyah's style of coping with studies and exams? And hows exactly my lifestyle is, at home? The wondering about how do i really study to secure my academic performances? And without putting other social skills in negligence? Oh. And the person remained anonymous.
To be frank i'm used to this type of curiousity inquired by anyone. Yes when i say i'm used to it, yes i'm really advocating my commonness to that particular question. I completely get it how it stifles their curiosity that much. But, haih. Usually i'll tend to drop the subjects, altering the topics conversed to any issues other than that specifically me-themed; or what i seem to do more often is i'll reply with jokes and the situation either resolves to awkwardness or laughs. Sigh.
I thought more than twice to post this. Alhamdulillah for what Allah had eased me with my studies and dreams. I live everyday with hopes and fears. I hope for my life to be smoothly carried through. I have everyday's, 2 years, 5 years plan checklists to ensure that. And with fears of the probable chances that Allah might resort those to unfulfillments, and for not alligning with what that will please His favours. Nauzubillah.
I am also like you.
I have my doubts, i have my fears of not getting the best. I have my self intimidation issues. I also have those moments of hating myself seeing my reflection in the mirror. I occasionally wallowed in self pity of not attaining the best of myself. And our best standards differ, so i dont see the need to compare ourselves with other people. That, certainly adding up more strain and pressures. Plus in fact that was totally unnecessary.
And to Allah i plead for strength to keep fighting.
The urge of yearning to be like someone else is normal. The internet nowadays is boundless. We can be like very familiar with everyone's life, style of thinking, including what do they wear to campus and work, the particular names of their families, their pretty faces, a person's life status; either they're too lavish to splurge on Kate Spade handbags every week, or maybe too seemingly lavish that they just bought Chowkit's Kate Spade brands lol. And we can follow people's relationship progress and update starting from they're single, then they hooked up with someone, then several (or many perhaps) cheesy uploads and entries; if odds are on their favour they'll be posting on their engagement and marriage (then mooooreee photos of their romantics and 'halal' love luls, tahu pun before tu tak berapa nak halal haha k i laughed at my own lame jokes) Or if they're quite unfortunate then there'll be more and more emotional updates and attempts of gaining strength to move on. Hahaha okay again i laughed loolll.
Okay whats my point actually lah haha. Seronok pulak trolling.
Because of the phenomena we're having today, we are inclined to allocate our times to examine other's lives rather than being grateful for what we already have.
No, i'm not saying the anonymous friend of mine asking about me is ungrateful for her life; but this is me talking to myself, why we'll always the tendency to discontent with ourselves.
Because the achievement of other people is our benchmark.
And not our own.
I always say to myself;
The only person i have to be better of is myself from yesterday.
Who cares about others?
Everyone has their own fights and land of battle. As for me, i'm scared to trespass theirs. To be scrambled with my own fights is already surpressing my patience.
Fight, for yourself.
Everyone has skeletons in their closet, and its not for them to disclose it. The only shown is the beautiness of them.
But y'know, its hard tho; having to live to the angelic perceptions of people; while in fact you know it yourself;
How the skeletons gradually crushing you pieces.