My close friends probably already had enough of me complaining over the same issues (and person in peculiar). I also turn to be so worn out of emotions and feelings. The truth is i am really fatigued over this, tho i seem to be all excited (ye sangatlah tu) and so. But i didnt ask for those. I didnt ask for having this inexplicable and incomprehensible state of feelings
And i hate it more when i'm tugged in this complexity i'll tend to push away people and disregarding their loyal presence. Yes, they meant good.
But after all,
Saying "itulah, lain kali sebelum buat apa-apa fikir jauh ke depan akibatnya. Kan dah jadi macam ni" CERTAINLY doesnt help at all. Couldnt you be a bit more, soothing? At least? And not nudging the surge of guilt and regret EVEN MORE? Yes i regretted that person's existence in my life but you dont have to rub it all over my face. I knew it already, and need not your highlights.
And for them saying "maybe awak kena settle down dengan dia" also a heart-smashing word.
Yes, they meant good, they meant no offense. You're the unsettled one, nadiyah. Dont blame the surrounding people. I know, they meant good.
Since the day ayahtok was dated for his CABG operation, i gradually subsided into delicacy. I rarely feel missing home, but this past few weeks i miss my kampung so much that i weeped over not being there right now.
I recalled Harun Yahya's line in Maryam; An Exemplary Muslim Woman which i found the most relaxing quote ever. I dont remember it precisely but its something that has to do like this;
Rationality is judged based on how we refuse to succumb into sentimentality. Be it anger, passionate love, unnecessary clinging and attacment, romanticism, the suffer from the lack of (missing a person), pride, sadness, exhilarating joyousness and pleasures, wails and mourns; things that we people inclined to be clasped with. No one should feel that they are immune from sentimentality, yet they should feel endangered that any possible time they could or would be entrapped by it. Because the human proneness to it is high and always exhibit a tendency to be leaned toward fragility.
**Okaylah i edited it with my own words. Haha. Mana nak ingat sebijik apa dalam tu kan.
I always gain serenity when i write. So here comes my obsession with my own words hahaha. Please.
12th Nov 2014 and;
Surrounded by kids heading back home from school and stopped by at Yarmouk Language Center to play around. Girls gather among them and take selfies with weird face expressions. Workers plucking buah zaitun. Students finishing classes for today with priceless feeling that finally weekend is here after a whole tiring week. A girl sitting under the tree with phone gripped on her hands, waiting for someone to call her or maybe rings for her a notification that they're good. A serious group of students discussing lectures. Non stop cars rivering by. People bidding goodbyes. The puffing of loyal ciggarates smoke that never fail to air the wind and atmosphere; signalling a harsh sign of an uncomfortable surrounding for people hoping for fresh breeze.
And me, seated myself on this branch, with fingers tapping on my iphone screen, writing this post, channeling all my current feelings into this. Drowned in the stream of words.
I wonder, how people will describe me doing right now like i did to them;
If they also have the same thing in mind.
Jordan, they say its an eye-sore view, rude people and such. Who am i to disagree.
But i dont know why it graces me unfathomable something that make me to place it somewhere remarkable in my heart.
Its truly, a treasure.
The end is approaching soon, huh?